A WWSN Report on Top Eniva Affiliate and UFO Expert Malcolm Hathorne

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Behold the Malcolm Hathorne Internet Universe!

Malcolm Hathorne & His Other-Worldly Powers of Persuasion!

Nobody has been able to put a finger (or thumb) on just what it is that Malcolm does to achieve the phenomenal sales volume that he does each month. Cynics suggest that once they are cornered by Malcolm in a dark hallway or at the rear of a coat check room, people will say or do anything just to get away from the guy. Others sense that Malcolm has abilities beyond those of mortal man including unearthly powers of mind control and persuasion. He has often been seen pointing at people with a blank emotionless stare that leaves victims paralyzed, unable to move or speak, and helpless to resist a Malcolm X sales pitch that they know will cost them dearly.

The Many Emotions Of Malcolm X

A recent guest on the "Coast to Coast AM" radio show, Dr. Rolag Dvishnikov from the St. Petersburg UFO Reality Center, suggested that Mr. Hathorne's apparent paranormal abilities to manipulate space, time, and MLM reality may have much to do with his unique facility for expressing such a wide range of extreme human emotions using so few facial muscles. The results of a recent photo study assay and analysis is shown below, in which Malcolm is asked to express a variety of specific emotional states.
GRIEF	JOY	ANGER	LOVE	RAGE	JEALOUSY	HATE
"Mr. Hathorne has the emotional range and depth of expression one would expect to find in a Love Child of Mr. Spock and Hillary Clinton." ( NOTE: Ms. Clinton has actually described a personal experience of alien abduction as a young girl that involved AstroTurf in the back of an El Camino!) "While this would be a socially limiting characteristic for most people, Malcolm Hathorne has turned it into an invaluable and powerful personal asset and tool he is able to use to manipulate and control those around him at will."

An in-depth examination and perusal of Malcolm Hathorne's various web sites will leave you with a terrible migraine and a deep and abiding fear for the future of our civilization, and as such, we advise against this. What we have learned, however, is that Malcolm X arrived on Earth approximately 35-50 years ago aboard a space ship that resembled a cross between the Mothership in "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" and a rotating multi-colored discotheque lighting special effect. He also seemed to demonstrate symptoms of "ThumbsUpus Erectus" at an early age, as can be seen in this old black and white photo of Malcolm and his parents visiting a Minnesota State Park near Winona back in 1962. His life changed forever upon seeing a science fair project on exhibit at Cotter High School in 1993 being displayed by Ben and Andy Baechler. They presented new and exciting theories about the numerous gigantic stone thumb statues that had been a popular tourist attraction in Winona for more than a hundred years. The Baechler twins actually captured one and had it displayed in a refrigerated container that was the hit of the fair. After graduation, Malcolm did his own river rafting exploration and research along the Mississippi River in southern Minnesota to study these towering granite artifacts he now believed had been left behind by an alien race of space travelers from another dimension. During the late 90's Malcolm toured college campuses throughout the country with an exhibit of original UFO art work, photographs, artifacts, and stories, which became the basis for Volume 1 of his popular series of books and reports called, "UFOS... & THE GOVERNMENT COVERUP". With his gregarious personality and friendly charismatic style, it was only natural that his next book would be about comedy. He cleverly titled it "The Joke Book".

What do you call a spaceship with a faulty air-conditioning unit? A frying saucer! What do aliens wear to posh weddings? Space suits Did you hear about the man who was captured by extra-terrestrial teddy bears? He had a close encounter of the furred kind Why are aliens messy tea-drinkers? With flying saucers, it's hard not to spill it Why is an alien like a collection of famous actors' autographs? They've both come from the stars What are aliens' favorite sweets? Martian-mallows Did you hear about the alien who flew a spaceship from Neptune to Uranus in just 3 minutes and 21 seconds? He's listed in the Guinness Book Of Out-Of-This-World Records Why don't aliens celebrate Christmas? Because they don't like to give away their presence

Having established himself as successful author, photographer, astrologer, raw food vegan, UFO expert and talk show host, Malcolm was in high demand at Midwestern VoTech schools, Federal Prisons, late night cable TV broadcasts, and regional Star Trek and SciFi Conventions. He was married very briefly to a woman he met after a speech at the William Shatner Center for the Performing Arts in Ames, Iowa, but had it annulled when he discovered on their wedding night that the "costume" she always wore did NOT come off. At a UFO Symposium that was held at the Ingraham B10 Lecture Hall on the UW Madison campus in 1999, Malcolm met UFO enthusiast Randy Allen, who was in Madison for the annual "GettaLife" MLM convention that week. Many UFO attendees came in costumes, and Randy's "Jabba the Hutt" outfit impressed everyone. Malcolm was attired in his usual Star Trek "Mr. Spock" uniform, and even the Baechler twins stopped by Hathorne's "Alien Abductions" exhibit, dressed as Star Wars clone troopers. Ben and Andy invited Malcolm and Randy to stop by their "The Giant Thumb Statues of Winona" display, and Hathorne immediately recognized the granite idols from his visits to Winona as a child. They all promised to get together after the symposium and Randy invited them over to his place for dinner and "Goji", a new beverage he told them was "out of this world"! They took the bait, and soon these four oddballs, weirdos, wackos and geeks were inextricably linked together in the most bizarre multi-level marketing network ever conceived, that the world would soon know as - "Eniva"!